I woke up to a most amazing Love Letter this morning:


I see you. I know you. I know the struggles that you have gone through. I have seen and known the curses that have come upon you. I see and know the plan of  the enemy against you. I know all of these things because I am God. But, please understand that it is not My will for you to suffer at the hand of the enemy.  And, that is why I have given you the Holy Spirit of anointing who will rest upon you and empower you to be that which I have called you to be so that these works that I have done you can do. And it comes down to this point: Children of God, all you have to do is believe that all things are possible that I have spoken of regarding My people and it shall be so with you, says the Lord. Rise up! Shout with a voice of joy. Get over the defeat of compromise, the defeat of heaviness, the defeat of infirmity, and those things that hold you and keep you from My purposes. For, when I do this extraordinary and great work in this season, it is My company of redeemed that shall arise and they shall be the  chosen ones that go forth into battle to destroy the works of the enemy. They will shake themselves free from every yoke which has been put upon them. In My name, do the work. And, I Myself, shall be with you to confirm that work with signs and wonders following.



black bali

I’m in a war of my life. Trust and Risk stand between me and everything my heart is dreaming of.

If you want to know the truth about who I’ve been since I was a small child, here it is. When I was about three or four, my family went to a water park on a very sunny summer day. My dad sat me on his lap and took me down the slowest water slide at the park. It was so slow that he had to keep pushing himself down the slide himself. With each push, I clung to him and screamed out, Daddy, don’t drop me! Daddy, don’t drop me! The entire time. The whole way down.

Why would he have ever dropped me? Why did I doubt his care and protection? I still cannot answer that question.

This has since become a major theme in my life. Even as an adult, I silently and covertly scream out those same words. Daddy, don’t drop me! I say it to my husband. I say it to my Father.

But at this juncture in my personal history, I have to stop. I have to stop trying to protect myself. I need and want to enjoy the ride. It’s the only thing separating me from the Joy of living as He desires for me.

So here begins a new chapter. Of Trust and Risk.



in the wake of every heartache/in the depth of every fear/ there were diamonds, diamonds/waiting to break out of here

don’t you think I hear the whispers/those subtle lies, those angry pleas/they’re just demons, demons/wishing they were free like me

with the fire from the sun/with the light when the day is done/we are the brave, the chosen ones/we’re the diamonds, diamonds/rising up out the dust

all your curses will surrender/every damning words will kneel/they’re just mountains, mountains/about to turn into fields

with the fire from the sun/with the light when the day is done/we are the brave, the chosen ones/we’re the diamonds, diamonds/rising up out the dust

you’ve taken down so many others/oh, but you’ll know my name when you see/that in these ashes I’m stronger still/you’ll learn to feel my pain

we are the brave, the chosen ones/we’re the diamonds, diamonds/rising out the dust

– Abner and Amanda Sudano Ramirez



hopeHope. My toes are on the edge of the borderline. I am standing at the door of Hope. The choice is mine.

“Until you hone in on the voice of the Shepherd, the door of destiny will elude you. He alone can confirm. He alone can commission. He alone can grant entry into the next assignment or pasture of your life. Sell all of the stock you have placed in man’s ability to identify and promote you, and invest it where it belongs.”




I’m giving up on low-hanging fruit. On the things that I can grasp on my own. The easily attained, the rational and visible – the comfortable. I’m climbing to the top. To pluck and devour the fruit with my name on it. Unseen from the ground.

I used to think that what didn’t work was a signal that I should stop. To find another outlet. But that isn’t the meaning of the signal. The signal is speaking and it’s saying, “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.”

Oh, I won’t.

Lift up your head. Find joy abounding. Release unjust weights. Receive your double portion. Pursue organic, Spirit-fed, free-range, scandalous, forbidden Fruit.




I watched Diana Vreeland: The Eye Has to Travel again. And Bill Cunningham New York. I like to revisit these two often. For inspiration and a sense of self. Both are extraordinary examples of disregard. Both didn’t create or capture images for commercial success or advertising dollars. They created out of their imagination and eye for the unusual. The joy and freedom of not giving a damn about the crowd. Not caring if you earn a single dollar. That is the only way to create and thrive. Not bending or breaking. But rather sitting in the drivers seat, steering the tastes of readers and subscribers.




Decades ago, men and women idolized the generation up. The mature, the experienced ones. The masters of art, dance, film. Writers, athletes, presidents. Whatever category applied. The laugh lines and crows feet meant something powerful. Years and effort spent well on exploring and honing a single craft very diligently.

I want to view my own body of work as a lifelong love affair. Slow gratification. I’m not enamored with youth. Not my own nor anyone else’s. Especially celebrity. I want age. I want to hang suspended in a room at the perfect temperature to become the perfect aged specimen for my art and craft and calling.

Fine wine, steady climb.